Retirement!

I quit my job this past summer. I'm now retired! (party dance)

^ IT ME
Image from Hill's

The truth is, I had been restless and unhappy in the office for months. I'd even gone to my doctor because I felt so burned out. My days consisted of getting myself and the kids ready to go, hitting the office, picking the kids up, preparing dinner while one or both of them screams for my attention, cleaning up after them, putting them to bed...It was exhausting. Despite that, I missed them when I was at my desk, and the best part of my work day was rushing off to pick them up from daycare.

I realized that I could manage a job and one child, but two mini-mes changed the game.

A comedienne once described a committee that lives in everyone's head: a group composed of voices shouting negative and discouraging things. My committee was asking me why I couldn't be a superwoman, someone who had a glittering career and still took on most of the child caring responsibilities. And finally, I shouted back: I'm done! I'm being called to full-time motherhood, for the first time in my life! And I will! Answer!

Everyone was very supportive of my decision, foremost being Fragrant Husband and Fragrant Mother. My boss and coworkers understood. Not so helpful: the admin manager who warned me thusly: "If I see a gap in someone's resume, I don't hire them." OK, cool.

And so here I am, half a year into my, well, let's call it semi-retirement. I now exercise regularly, the house is reasonably clean, and meal prep is still dicey, but no longer breakdown-inducing. I've learned to play hits like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" on the ukelele. When people ask me how my job is, I say the pay sucks, but I get great benefits. I'm happy. I'm content.

Spend my days adventuring with these cuties? YES PLEASE

What I'm trying to say, gentle readers, is that I'm retiring this blog. I've put in a solid decade of frequently pointless rambling on this site, and now I shall perhaps find a new creative outlet elsewhere. Hint: if you're on a movie or book or game review site and see the username fragrantelephant, it might be me?

TL;DR: Good night, and good luck. Fragrant Elephant out.

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This post brought to you by The Expanse! Read the books, watch the show, you inner you!

Game Review: Civilization VI (Switch)

Civilization VI is the first Civ game I've ever played, so it was a steep learning curve for me, but overall super worth it. Fragrant Husband warned me that the game would turn me into a "One more turn!" maniac, and boy was he right. The gameplay is so utterly absorbing, and the music so inoffensively epic, that I could start a turn and then look up and it's been three hours. Whoops, was it my turn to watch the kids???

For the uninitiated, Civ is like a giant board game with hexagonal tiles that consume one movement point each, and with environmental features (e.g. desert or forest) that impact your empire-building. In a basic game, the victory condition is having the highest score, out of several categories: domination (conquering a capital), science (researching technologies), culture (building Wonders, parks, resorts, etc), and religion (convert everyone!!!). You play as a great leader from history, including famous ones like Cleopatra or Gandhi, and lesser-known rulers like Jadwiga of Poland or Tomyris of Scythia. Leaders come with unique abilities, units, and infrastructure. For example, Gilgamesh can declare war without a warmonger penalty, Gorgo can produce Hoplites, and Qin Shi Huang can build the Great Wall.

Players begin in the Ancient Era, and progress through time is determined by your civilization's scientific and cultural development. The fog of war mechanic, so very familiar to those of us who played World of Warcraft, enhances the tension--what's over there? Crabs? Barbarians? Australia???

Civ VI has adorable graphics, with units updating their lewks to match the time period. For instance, Builders start out as beefy men in tunics, and later become guys in safety vests. Settlers begin with robes and a walking stick, and by the end they're putt-putting around in a van. Meanwhile, combat units can be upgraded: Archers become Field Cannons and Knights turn into Tanks. In terms of static visuals, available resources are well represented: stalks of wheat, horses, iron, a bag of tea, bars of gold, petrol, oranges, grapes, etc. all appeal to players--"Build near me so you may partake of my bounty!"

There are numerous difficulty settings: Settler, Chieftain, Warlord, Prince, King, Emperor, Immortal, and Diety. Prince is the default for single player, but you can also choose your own challenge level by creating a campaign or playing a preset scenario. There's a multiplayer option as well, and one day I shall have the courage and confidence to venture into those waters!

Civ VI can be picked up and enjoyed by total noobs, because the controls are fairly intuitive and you can have an advisor who guides you toward the best play during turns. When I first started out, I just chose whichever building or unit or technology that had her icon winking promisingly on it. I owe the few victories under my belt to her, I'm sure.

Now if only there were some way to stop the narrator from yammering automatically whenever I finish researching something or building a Wonder...

In closing, Civ VI is a strong game with high replay value, especially with the optional scenarios and customizable difficulty levels. Every campaign presents a gratifying challenge, and the thoughtful player who takes the time to read descriptions reaps rewards and accolades. Highly recommended for nerds.

TL;DR: Two thumbs up! And then back down to the buttons! One! More! Turn!

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This post brought to you by a strong craving for tacos!

Book Review: Becoming (Michelle Obama)

Becoming is tight. Like its author, Michelle Obama's memoir is expressive, controlled, and relentlessly on-message. It's so inspiring that halfway through, I decided my kid is going to be the next President of the US. Which one, you ask? Both, of course! They can take turns.

Everything about this book is organized around Obama's core themes. The title immediately informs readers that Obama was shaped by, and continues to be shaped by, those around her as well her own strong personality. The chapter titles--Becoming Me, Becoming Us, and Becoming More--are perfect descriptors of the periods covered. And finally, the memories and events that Obama chooses to include all underline the lessons that she hopes to share with her readers: approach life with hard work and discipline, give back to society, and be grateful for your blessings rather than dwell on what seems to be lacking.

The first chapter, Becoming Me, shows the close-knit, close-quartered family unit of the Robinsons. There are barbecues and music! There are also reflections about black neighborhoods' slide into poverty in Chicago, seeing her parents work tirelessly to provide for her and her brother, and her determination to be successful. One particular vignette stands out: a school counselor telling her that she wasn't "Princeton material," and guess where Michelle Obama went to college? Why, somewhere in NJ! In short, this chapter is about a girl who was going places.

The second chapter, Becoming Us, is about her romance with Barack, who comes across as nerdy and often in his own head, trying to fix the wrongs of the world. The most memorable bit in this chapter is when she asks him what he's thinking about and he replies, "Income inequality." That's a special guy, right there. Obama also reveals that both their girls were conceived through IVF, which I did not know, but those babies are now stunning young women, so hurray reproductive technology! Alas, politics intrude often into their young family, culminating in Barack's triumph in 2008.

Finally, Becoming More is about the family's move to the White House, and the assorted battles and initiatives she engages in as First Lady. She glosses over the ugly parts, but makes it pretty clear that they were ugly, especially when she unequivocally ends her book with, "I am not going into politics." She can make a difference in other fields, using tools that likely won't destroy her soul. 

While deeply personal, Becoming occasionally reads like a speech. For example, a section about meeting Nelson Mandela includes the word "crosscurrents," and there is no reason to use it unless water is involved, okurrr? The book can also get very pious. These two small bellyaches do not diminish the power of the work.

In conclusion, Becoming was the bestselling book of 2018 because it's powerful, well-written, and reminds us that when we lead lives of integrity and compassion, we can become more, we can transcend the small and the petty, and we can lift up others, just as we were lifted up. CAN I GET AN AMEN

TL;DR: OBAMA 2024

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This post brought to you by unending snow!

Game Review: White Night (Switch)

White Night is an effective psychological horror game by French indie developer OSome Studio. Set in the thirties somewhere outside of Boston, the game follows a man who gets into a car accident and stumbles into a nearby creepy mansion for help. Terror ensues!

Everything about this game stands out: the stark black-and-white visuals, the unnerving score, and the gameplay that mainly involves lighting matches and solving puzzles. The unnamed and injured main character must advance through various unlit rooms and corridors to find a way to call for assistance. Players can only carry a limited number of matches, and being in the pitch dark of the mansion for too long results in a game over screen...or worse. For you see, specters haunt the halls...

The mansion has four levels: the main floor, the upstairs, the attic, and the cellar. As soon as I saw the door leading down, I was like "NOPE!" But, naturally--and this is hardly a spoiler--the underground portions of the mansion serve as the final stage, the death icing on the cake of fear, as it were. Before getting there, however, it's a slow creep through once-glorious rooms, serial killer artwork, and recently unearthed tombs. Party time!

White Night has been described as Resident Evil without the combat, which it is. And it's seductive, with a fragmented story scattered throughout the mansion's rooms that compel players to discover ever more about the ghosts lurking...or about the living, clearly psychotic person who might be in there with you as you explore. The puzzles are fairly simple, such as finding keys to unlock rooms, or following a cord to plug in a lamp that will eliminate a spirit blocking the path. The soundtrack, which often consists of just one insistent, loud noise--such as a window banging open and shut, or eerie wind chimes--heightens the tension.

And there's a thematic weight to the character's exploration, underscored by each found diary entry, newspaper clipping, and letter. The mansion is home to a disturbed, conflicted family whose members have different ideas about power, wealth, responsibility, status, and love. Everything comes full circle in the end, with a conclusion that might be predictable to horror genre fans, but is nonetheless beautiful, tragic, and infuriating. You know, French.

TL; DR: Scary! Amazing! Highly recommended for horror fans!

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This post brought to you by muesli!

Game Review: Transcripted (Switch)

Transcripted is a fun shooter/match three combination game with a microbiology premise. Players assume the role of an overworked lab tech tasked with piloting a nanoprobe to destroy pathogens. These pesky microscopic enemies evolve to counter your weapon, and so you too must learn and grow!

The gameplay is straightforward and the controls are relatively easy to master. The nanoprobe can move all over the screen, and starts out with basic pew-pew guns and a shield. The guns are to destroy murderous pathogens that interfere with your main work: matching three color cubes within the ever-moving DNA strand, to disrupt the growth of the unknown virus. The match three portion consists of the probe destroying pathogens, which usually releases a cube, which players then haul in and shoot out at the chain. Thankfully, the probe becomes invisible to its enemies when carrying a cube.

At higher levels, specific individual cubes are highlighted as being priority for elimination, earning more research points that go toward buying new skills for the probe, like more speed, or a death laser. Transcripted lets players replay levels to improve their previous scores and earn more points. These upgrades are vital, because the probe is S-L-O-W. It lumbers around like my toddler at five in the morning, a tiny, terrible, hilariously nonthreatening force of nature. Once you get some juice in there, though, we are in business!

Below is a sample of the action:

The nanoprobe (left arrow) should shoot one blue cube at the highlighted spot (right arrow) to remove three blues from the chain and score more sweet research points.

As the image shows, the visuals in Transcripted are clean despite all the action. The backgrounds are typically very muted and allow the moving bits to shine. The music is similarly terrific, soothing and energizing at the same time. And the levels really build up the challenge factor, demanding quick reflexes and some light tactics.

However, the banter between Adam the tech and the lab AI is annoying, and the bad guy's identity is obvious from the start. I respect the storytelling, but every character is just grumpy and snarky. Maybe too realistic? I'm flashing back to my cubicle and our outdated lab, the horror, the horror...

Minor bellyaching aside, this game is so engaging that I would recommend it without hesitation. Pew! Pew! Lasers! Science!

TL;DR: Super fun! Highly recommended!

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This post brought to you by Fragrant Husband's delicious leftover lamb!

Book Review: Real Food/Fake Food (2016)

Larry Olmsted's Real Food/Fake Food made me hangry (hungry + angry). The author's exposé about widespread food deception hits especially hard because he starts each chapter with vivid descriptions of how lovingly the real stuff is made and how delicious it is. And then he describes the fraudulent labeling and shipping practices of many players in the food industry. Finally, he ends with how savvy readers can, if not get their hands on real food, at least avoid the (usually high-priced) fakes. Thanks, Larry!

The opening chapter, about Parmigiano-Reggiano (parmesan), is an eye-opening foray into what goes into what Olmsted calls "real food"--fresh, wholesome ingredients, strict regulations, and very specific labels. I learned so much! For example, I did not know that real fancy cheese gets its name basically tattooed on the rind. Also, different factors and crafts contribute to the final product: the terroir, the dairy farmers, the cheesemakers, and the inspectors who check if the parmesan is up to their rigorous standards. (Reading this chapter reminded me of Samin Nosrat's visit to Italy to eat chunks of Parmigiano-Reggiano in Salt Fat Acid Heat, and how she practically passed out from pleasure.) Anyway, afterwards Olmsted warns readers that popular parmesan cheeses available in the US are often adulterated and are not, in fact, parmesan, since the cheese gets its name from the Italian city of Parma, ergo if the cheese didn't come from fat, happy Parma cows it is fake! Shame, Kraft, shaaaame!

Throughout the book, Olmsted examines the issue of lax labeling standards in the US, and the country's obstinate refusal to adhere to international pressure to regulate and enforce its food imports and production. This is an issue with certain types of fish, olive oil, Kobe beef, wines, and honey. Olmsted dedicates a section to each of these foodstuffs, first describing his personal experience with the real thing--for example, proper balsamic vinegar is so potent that only drops are added to chunks of Parmigiano-Reggiano--and then explaining how counterfeit products are sold in the US with misleading labels. Again, he concludes every chapter with tips on how to spot fake food, such as looking for the country of origin of the product (e.g. champagne should come from France). In this way, he always finishes on a hopeful note, as opposed to say, Jonathan Safran Foer's dolorous Eating Animals.

In closing, I highly recommend this very educational, very delicious book. The author's enthusiasm for real food is apparent on every page, and his lists of tips are very helpful if you're inclined to be discerning about what you eat.

TL;DR: Read it, foodies!!!

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This post brought to you by my odd determination to watch the horror movie Oculus while home alone on a dreary day! Send puppies!

Game Review: Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen (Switch)

Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen changed my world. As a JRPG gamer, I had become accustomed to the Japanese teenager aesthetic and to brightly-colored, fantastical vistas (and hairstyles!). Dark Arisen was a sharp contrast, with its grim color palettes and customizable protagonist. Happily, its gameplay, combat, and soundtrack are outstanding. I enjoyed it so much that I did a New Game+ to more fully explore the optional dungeon that turned out to be the whole point of the game's title.

Briefly, Dark Arisen is the story of a person from the land of Gransys who becomes the "Arisen," a hero fated to fight the Great Dragon. Arisen can command pawns, which are basically AI that come in a range of familiar classes (e.g. Fighter, Mage). As the Arisen and his/her companions move closer to the goal of defeating the dragon, it becomes clear that both hero and villain are trapped in an unending cycle of death, destruction, and rebirth. Will you be the one to finally break the endless chain?

The gameplay in Dark Arisen is straightforward: players explore, gather items, go on quests, fight foes, craft, upgrade gear, etc. There are several main quests and about sixty bajillion side quests, which is both a gift and a curse for completionists. I always had about a dozen active quests at any given time. Fortunately, early on the Arisen is granted the Eternal Portal Stone, a teleport item that speeds things up considerably, since apparently Gransys has no horses.

Dark Arisen's combat system is amazing. Monsters look formidable and the stronger ones have stats and attack patterns that can obliterate the unprepared. For instance, I tried at least six times to defeat the Condemned Gorecyclops, which loomed two stories high and was covered in spiked armor. I kept coming back at increasingly higher levels, until finally I just spammed 100 Throwblasts (think old-timey hand grenade) at it and earned my sweet, sweet victory.

And this is the curious appeal of Dark Arisen: that despite its general bleakness, Gransys is an engaging and challenging world. The visuals are perfectly serviceable, the dungeons dark and full of terrors, and surprise wyverns can come barreling into your party when you're out for a stroll in the woods. Tweaking your party so you have the best possible combination for damage output, or ranged combat, or whatever works best for you is incredibly fun. The Arisen can also form special relationships with certain NPCs, while the rest of them hilariously repeat the same lines over and over again.

And last but not least of the game's charm is Bitterblack Isle, or BBI as it is known in gaming boards. BBI is an über dungeon that contains all the toughest enemies and bosses in the game. Spoiler alert, it was also created by an Arisen, I dunno, Matt or Greg or Jeff or whatever his name is, who so hated the Dragon/Arisen cycle that he became Bob, the Dark Arisen. Just kidding, he's called Daimon, because look at him:

He's much cuter in person (as in, when he turns back into a person)

Speaking of lewks, take a gander at my first playthrough heroine, who I accidentally turned lesbian and pedo because I had no idea that the NPC I speak to the most often and rescue/escort a bunch of times would become my beloved:

Selene (left), a goth lolita, inadvertently became my love interest after I kept giving her herbs that she turned into ale. Wow, our relationship sounds even worse now.

In conclusion, I poured over 100 hours into this game because it is fun, and I would gladly pick it up one more time. Once again, Fragrant Husband proved himself adept at gifting me a thing that will fully occupy me and therefore leave him free to play his PC games. Well played, sir, well played indeed!

TL;DR: An enjoyable and addictive RPG, highly recommended!

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This post brought to you by Fragrant Husband because he bought me the game!