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iPhone 5 Review

Ancient Relic Found
(Fragrant Elephant News) -- Drummon 00856

BOSTON -- Archeologists in North America have discovered an ancient device connected to two wires in the remains of a building dating back to the Apple Fanboy civilization. The device is believed to be a throwback to the time before scientists developed the telepathy chip implant, credited with simultaneously triggering WWIII and improving relations between men and women everywhere.

The device has the following dimensions: 123.8 mm L, 58.6 mm W, and 7.6 mm D. It weighs a hefty 112 grams. Its function is a mystery, lead archaeologist Jolette Ochosais confessed. Ochosais added that her personal theory was that it had been a "paperweight," back when our species barbarously cut down trees to print things like "credit card statements" and "books."

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Joshing aside, I'm delighted with the iPhone 5. I bought it because my iPhone 4's functionality had been compromised by multiple instances of my dropping it on the pavement, and also into the cats' drinking fountain. Here's what I've found in the couple of hours since I've activated it:

1. Easy activation -- just sign away your privacy and firstborn child!
2. It's insanely light.
3. The display is stunning.
4. The new earphones have spiffy sound and a convenient carrying case.
5. Speaking of earphones, the new earphone bottom placement seems more convenient.
6. Panorama pictures~!


The iPhone 5 is a big improvement over the 4. I'm sure the battery life will be better than my poor 4, too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ask Siri how to stop Boston from being so freaking cold.

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