Sunday, September 17, 2017

Junior: Third Annual Report

Junior has now officially transitioned from Toddler to Child. In this report, we will highlight his various areas of growth and development.

For reference, his previous reports are here and here.

1. Language and Cognition
While Junior is now perfectly capable of expressing his needs, wants and opinions, this past year has also been notable for the number of times Junior's teacher has raised concerns over inappropriate language. The issue is being addressed via parental self-restraint and gratuitous word substitutions (e.g. "fudge").

Junior demonstrates strong listening comprehension skills. When explained a concept in Tagalog, he will accurately explain it to someone else in English.

So far the only potential lapse in brain power is seen in his unerring belief that when he can't see you, you can't see him. Hide-and-seek with Junior is exceedingly easy for adult participants.

2. Coordination

Junior has an excellent sense of balance and is fearless and competent on jungle gyms. He is scheduled to begin a fall multi-sports program to improve his playing with others. In the future, this committee recommends enrolling him in gymnastics or dance to further develop his abilities.

3. Sleep

Junior has vastly improved his sleep skills. He can nap for 2-3 hours at a time, and sleeps through the night, for the most part. The only time he gets up during the evenings is when he...

4. Toilet Training

...has to use the potty. Junior is now proficient in the use of his little toilet trainer. These days, he prefers to plop a stool in front of the actual toilet to do his business. While this has been extremely convenient for the parental units, it has made his participation in an allergy study somewhat difficult. Junior insists on using the proper throne for number two, compromising stool sample collection. Fortunately, he is sufficiently intrigued by the idea of watching Mommy put the grossness in tubes, for submission to a doctor "to help people."

TMI, apologies. The important thing is we get paid for the samples. Speaking of payment...

5. Breadwinning

Perhaps the most unexpected element of Junior's trajectory this past year has been his earning power. His income has been based on luck and looks. For the former category, he selected a $2 scratch ticket that netted him a 50x dividend. For the latter, he received his first paycheck for his debut in modeling. All proceeds go to food and clothes.

6. Responsibility

Finally, Junior took on the important role of ringbearer for our dear friends' wedding. He was able to walk by himself down the aisle, until he got distracted. He eventually overcame this hurdle and ran to his father. Anticipating this, organizers put no actual rings on the pillow he carried.

Junior is now toilet trained, reasonably coordinated, expressive, and can pay for his own trucks. We hope you agree that this past year has been marked by impressive strides in several categories.

As always, thank you for your unwavering support for Junior. We look forward to updating you on his future accomplishments.

The Fragrant Elephant Committee on Irrepressible Smugness

No comments:

Post a Comment