Skip to main content

Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Jupiter Ascending is what happens when a 10-year-old girl writes a screenplay and then Hollywood throws millions of dollars at her. The result is a gloriously cheesy space opera where the doe-eyed (but smart!) protagonist with an unenviable life is hurled into an adventure with a broodingly handsome and achingly lonely disgraced soldier. As he gravity-skates his way over the dead bodies of the various aliens who try to kill her, she develops feelings for him--but will her newfound true identity keep them apart?

(falls over laughing)

But let's keep it 100. Jupiter Ascending has peerless special effects, bombastic costumes and set designs, and an appropriately operatic soundtrack. The plot and dialogue are ridiculous, but boy is it a feast for the eyes and ears. And besides, its unintentional hilarity is a plus in this bleak world of ours. "Bees sense royalty," is a line that I have folded into a pocket in my heart, to be taken out and laughed at in moments of darkness. 

Silly and beautiful though it is, this movie does deal with a serious theme, albeit with an utter lack of subtlety (subtlety does not belong here anyway). Knowing nothing about the movie except that nerd ladies loved it, I found its framing of capitalism interesting, intertwined as it was in such a delicious and deadly family drama. 

The cast is terrific, with baby Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne standing out as the eldest of the feuding Abrasax siblings. His Balem is hard but almost languid, and he sounds like he's yawning out every sentence--until he suddenly starts yelling, that is. Meanwhile, Douglas Booth is memorable because his face is beautiful, oh my god what a hottie. As for the leads, Mila Kunis is charming, especially when she tries to get closer to her reticent and conflicted protector.  And Chan-chan just handsomes his way through everything, which is what we gave our money for. Also: Sean Bean is in this! Start taking bets now on whether or not his character survives!

TL;DR: A visually stunning space opera begging to be Rifftraxed. 


This post brought to you by PAX East!

Popular posts from this blog

An International Women's Day Miracle!

Truly, International Women's Day is a special day. No, not because multitudes are out there rallying for our rights and giving voice to the powerless. It is because I won a gift card from a company raffle!

Let me explain why this counts as a minor miracle. You see, I never win anything. I answer every damned survey sent my way, participate in all the raffles, buy lottery tickets -- to no avail. This particular raffle occurred monthly, and I had been faithfully entering my name every month for two years, with no results. Finally, last month, I declared: "No more!" and unsubscribed from the mailing list -- but not before entering one final time, because why not.


There's also some déjà vu at play here. You see, four years ago, I won a gift card from a company raffle. The one fracking time I won anything! I was elated! Shortly thereafter, also on International Women's Day, I was laid off from my job.

Sooooo...since the day's almost over, I guess I'm not…

Paint Nite!

Last night I joined the "Oops" Paint Nite event hosted by the Club Cafe in Back Bay. About 12+ people came to relax and have two artists guide them through painting this original work:

The point was not to slavishly duplicate "Oops" -- we were instructed to make it our own, to relax, and not to utter the words, "Mine sucks," "Can you do this for me?" or "I thought this was paint-by-numbers!"

Speaking of dashed hopes, I had assumed that wine was included. I had done something like this before, only it was in the morning and we all got mimosas. Not so here! While the artists were setting up, I schlepped over to the bar and was rewarded with a generous pour of Cabernet. Now I was ready.

The setup: Everyone got a 16" x 20" canvas, three paint brushes, and a palette (a paper plate) with red, yellow, blue, and white paint. One artist (Brian) had the microphone and would paint with us, while the other was the assistant (Kory) who wo…

Get Out (2017)

Get Out has a charismatic lead, a terrific soundtrack, and damn good cinematography. While it’s described as horror/comedy, it’s more disturbing/cringe-y than scary, and I mean that in a good way. This is an entertaining movie that’s also pretty effective as social commentary.

The film stars Daniel Kaluuya as Chris, a photographer who’s about to spend the weekend at his girlfriend Rose’s (Allison Williams) parent’s house. Naturally, it’s in a secluded spot in the woods. When they get there, the awkwardness that might be expected from a first-time meeting gives way to a series of bizarre behaviors and interactions. While Chris initially takes it all in stride, it eventually becomes clear that there’s something sinister going on behind the scenes.

The acting and dialogue are highlights of the film, as is the camera work. In particular, Kaluuya’s eyebrows and head tilts are so expressive that the audience knows what’s going on in his head even as he politely brushes off eccentricities. A…