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Showing posts from October, 2014

Movie review: Gone Girl (2014)

Gone Girl is a twisted tale of a marriage gone bad. It's based on the novel by Gillian Flynn, who also wrote the excellent screenplay. The director is David Fincher (Fight Club, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), so of course things aren't what they seem, and the violence is efficient and purposeful.

The title's appropriateness becomes apparent midway through the movie -- this is the story of the "gone girl," or Amy Dunne. English actress Rosamund Pike (a Bond villainess!) shines as the "complicated" wife of Ben Affleck's Nick Dunne.

The movie begins with Nick musing, "What have we done to each other?" as he strokes Amy's hair. Then the story kicks into gear, as Nick comes home on the day of their fifth anniversary to find an apparent break-in and his wife missing. Lead detective Rhonda Boney (a fabulous Kim Dickens) begins to uncover clues that point to Nick's complicity. Meanwhile, Nick's twin sister (a similarly great Carrie …

A Tribute to Mamala

Mamala
noun 
1. A portmanteau of "Mama" and "Lola" (grandma)
2. The awesomest person who ever awesomed

The legend of Mamala is spoken of in hushed tones in the House of Fragrant. Her indefatigable spirit, boundless patience, and indescribable sense of humor remain the stuff of stories that we will pass on to our scion, Fragrant Infant.

The one word that defines Mamala is LOVE. She is the embodiment of this emotion, and could barely contain it within her tiny frame. We who were fortunate enough to be near her became the recipients of and witnesses to her love-power. She is basically Sailor Moon but with a lot more clothes on.

Here are the things Mamala loves, which all happen to start with the letter F:

FOOD
"Did mom eat everything she wanted do?" my brother asked a couple of days before Mamala's departure date. It was an important question. As Fragrant Husband observed, Mamala has trained us to structure every trip around food. Her 8,400-mile journey acro…

Postpartum is Hell, or: How to Lose 20 Pounds of Pregnancy Weight in One Month!

Background

Women who have just given birth retain their pregnancy pooch because the uterus needs weeks to contract from the size of a watermelon to the size of a peach.


To illustrate: when baby and I were discharged, a man in the hospital elevator asked me how old my baby was.

"Two days," I replied.

He glanced at my pooch. "And are you having another one?"

I rest my case. Also, he was a moron. Why, yes, I gave birth two days ago and immediately got pregnant again. ARGH.

***

Pregnancy books and articles usually say that it takes about nine months for your body to regain its pre-pregnancy size, given that it took nine months to get there.

In this post, I will share my amazing, unbelievable system for getting insta-sexy again. As an FYI, I was built like Scarlett Johansson before I got knocked up.

Shut up, I can dream.

***

Methodology

Follow these steps exactly and you'll lose your pooch in no time! Obviously that is the most important thing postpartum, forget your…

iPhone 6 Review

I love the iPhone 6. I have named mine shinyface. It replaces the noble DroppedALot.

Details below:

Battery: Lasts twice as long as the iPhone 5 with my heavy use of a nursing app, Jawbone UP, Safari, WhatsApp, calendar, and text messaging.

Cost: $199 if you renew or sign up for a two-year wireless contract, or $600 if you just want the device. If you go with the contract, you can get it for free if you trade in your iPhone 5 (mine will go to family).

Camera: A vast improvement. Low light conditions will no longer stop you from snapping candid photos!


Grip: I'd been advised to get a case for this phone, but so far I haven't dropped it yet, despite being chronically sleep-deprived and naturally clumsy. So a case would be for those who refuse to live on the edge. 

Keyboard: The new iOS has QuickText, an autofill feature that's actually pretty good. I use it regularly.

Native Apps: Reminders now has a spiffy notification system that lets you mark an item as completed or snooze it …

Game Review: FFX HD Remaster (PS Vita)

Final Fantasy X is the story of Tidus, a young man lost in space and time, and Yuna, a young woman who has chosen to battle an undying monster. Yuna, a Summoner who can command mythical creatures (Aeons) in battle, is on a pilgrimage with her Guardians to obtain the Final Aeon to defeat the dreaded Sin. Tidus joins them in the hopes of making his way back home, to Zanarkand, the city that never sleeps.

FFX was so popular that it got reworked as a Playstation Vita game. The remaster boasts better graphics than the original, and the same wonderful soundtrack and absorbing gameplay. Unfortunately, the development team kept the crappy voice acting and the inability to skip cut scenes.

Below are the pros and cons of this game:

(+) Soundtrack--FFX has tons of excellent themes, from the haunting "To Zanarkand" to the earworm-y encounter theme. "Suteki da ne" is a beautiful love song, similar to FFVIII's "Eyes on Me." The only thing missing is an overworld the…