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Movie Review: Ted (2012)

I got really offended when I first watched Family Guy, a cartoon by Seth MacFarlane about a dysfunctional family. The show poked fun at the disabled, Jews, women--basically everyone you're not supposed to touch, if you were politically correct or had a shred of politeness and decency. Since I had not yet developed my appreciation for irony and absurdity back then, I was all, "This show is so horrible! The people who watch it are douchebags!" -- or at least I would've said that, had I known the word "douchebag" existed. See how deprived I was?

I eventually managed to level up after many episodes of The Colbert Report and The Daily Show, and grew to appreciate the humor in MacFarlane's outrageous creation.

What I'm trying to say is, Ted is basically live-action Family Guy, with the added bonus of Mark Wahlberg at his sweetheart best, and Mila Kunis in fine form. The deranged mind that brought us America's cringe-worthy post-Simpsons family came up with this little gem of a story: a friendless little boy wishes for his teddy bear to come to life and be his friend forever. Poof! Live teddy bear, just add water! But, Ted grows up, and in the process becomes that scourge of mothers everywhere: a man-child. He spends his days smoking weed and picking up girls. His best bud (Wahlberg) gets to be a man-child right alongside him, except with an awesome girlfriend (Kunis) who says it's the bear or her! So Ted must live his own life, and Wahlberg's character must learn and grow and face the world as a true man! Naturally, it's a rocky road, and it involves tears and recriminations and earnestness and fistfights and cheese and poop, I'm not even kidding.

Also, there is a creepy man played by Giovanni Ribisi. He is amazing.

Ted showed me just how absurd popular culture is. There are numerous cracks at nineties songs, eighties TV programs, and current heartthrobs. I want this movie to come out on DVD so I can watch it again and again. In other news: Seth MacFarlane should do another movie. Since Ted already made about $120 million in its second week of release (cost to make film: $50 million), I'm pretty sure he'll get another shot. Hurray! Or, as Ted would say, "F*CK YEAH!"

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