Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Monday Night Sake Bomb

sapporo da: a haiku

wa ga sapporo
nonde yo nonde
hebereke da.

(I am Sapporo.
Drink, drink.
You're dead drunk!)

Note: In Japanese, "nonde" is three syllables: "noh"-"n"-"de." Thus, my haiku works.

Here are some fun facts:

  • The Sapporo can is super strong because if its shape and its corrugated-ness. Do not crush on your forehead.
  • One super can contains 22 oz of 5.2% alcohol.
  • I weigh 51 kg and spent 1.5 hours consuming 2 full cans of Sapporo, with 2 shot glasses of sake.
  • The percentage of my body that can absorb alcohol is around 0.65.
  • That means: my blood alcohol level last night was 0.144%, waaay above the 0.08% legal limit.
  • Obviously, the legal limit should be raised. 
  • Or, I should realize that one sake bomb is enough for me, given my pathetic lightweight drinking ability.

Now, when one is drunk, one must do something stupid, or at least ill-advised. Encouraged by the alkihol coursing merrily through my system, I finally wrote a response to someone from my old company who had asked me what the hell was going on that made me leave. Fortunately, three of my friends were on gchat, and they graciously agreed to proofread despite the late hour. One recommended that I "release a manifesto" (too much work), another said that my email was "boom boom boom to-the-point," and the last one said "dayom u are very eloquent." Thank you, ladies. U r all awesome.

To distract myself from the niggling fear that the email would make the rounds and reach evil management, I watched The Daily Show with Leyma Gbowee as guest. You know, the Liberian Nobel Peace Prize winner who kicks ass. Woman was big and strong and proud and articulate and a HERO. I wanna be her when I grow up. She talked about being angry, about pouring water into an angry container and having that water become shaped like anger. Roar!, shouted my soul. Fight injustice!, cried my heart. Get me back in bed!, wept my body.

First things first. I'm now nursing a cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, black as night and bitter as my soul, because holy Lord, when I woke up I wished I hadn't. I have consumed a jelly donut, which ordinarily I would ignore, even if offered for free. I feel a little better.

Now to cry at my desk. I mean that literally. I'm reading heartbreaking stuff here, and it's my job. Waaaahhhhhh. In a good way.