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Showing posts from October, 2011

Someone Please Slap Me

"Happy Monday!" I chirruped on gchat.

"blaaargh mondays are never happy," came the disgruntled reply from CatLadyHijab, not her real name, I just made that up, aren't I clever.

Basically the story this morning is that I came into my cute new sun-drenched office with its adorable dark blue wall and proximity to the kitchen and bathroom, which, of course, is what the ideal office should be, and I. Didn't. Want. To. Leave. "Oh noes!" I thought, "I would be abandoning my colleagues!" Not only that, I would be walking away from a picture-perfect commute -- a 10-minute stroll through pretty neighborhoods -- and a position where everyone up top is so overworked that I get no supervision, and can post random stuff like this!

Someone please slap me.

Fortunately, one of said colleagues walked in to chat, and I immediately 'fessed up to feeling mildly bad about leaving the new office. She gave me a dry look and said, "It's only the pl…

Faceless Employee: The Face!

The Stages of Job Hunting... via art

Stage 1: Despair  (minimum one year)
The first stage consists of pondering your current work environment with appropriate horror. Your outlook at this time is bleak, your prospects of survival grim. Like the bald person in Edvard Much's The Scream, or  Macauley Culkin from Home Alone, you are mentally slapping both hands to either cheek and howling into the wilderness.

Stage 2: Panic (minimum two months)
The second stage is characterized by mass confusion and the bloody loss of innocence. Like the innocent folk in Peter Paul Ruben's Massacre of the Innocents, the job hunter wrestles with the demons of panic ("Help! Help!"), hysteria ("I'll never get out of this hellhole!"), and delusion ("I'm sure no one knows I'm job hunting like a maniac!"). In the process, self-confidence and self-esteem are ground underfoot. As a result, the job hunter blindly sends out a ridiculous number of resumes to any and all prospects. This stage is a very lo…

Happy Friday!

LIFT YOUR GLASSES! THROW ONE BACK! CELEBRATE! IT'S FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sunshine

Tiny falling leaves floated gently to the ground as I walked back to the office today. Very pretty.

Glooooom

There are days when all the optimism and hope and cheerfulness in the world just won't make a dent in the secret, irrational fear in a Faceless Employee's heart. I was supposed to receive something awesome today, but apparently I won't get it until tomorrow. The rational part of me says that of course I'll get it tomorrow, while the fuming part says a lot of bad words, which I'll refrain from posting here. >:-(

I'm going outside to get a banana from the store across the street. Maybe potassium will cheer me up?

Book Review: The 19th Wife (2009)

According to author David Ebershoff's website for this novel, it's "sweeping and lyrical, spellbinding and unforgettable." I'm gonna call shenanigans on that, because while it was certainly entertaining and informative, it also could have used a bit more editing. If you've read it, I ask you -- what was the deal with the dolphins? I like my symbolism subtly delivered, like the fragrance of fall leaves, not hammered into me like the smell of my cat's litter box, thank you very much.

Rant aside, The 19th Wife is a pretty good read. I'm a sucker for mysteries, and the novel opens with two: who is Ann Eliza Young, and who killed whatsisface? Ebershoff presents two main parallel narratives: a straightforward modern-day whodunit with a gay protagonist (you go, girlfriend!), and a sometimes meandering ye olde America timeline that uses book excerpts, court depositions, newspaper clippings, and letters to tell the story of Ann Eliza Young's revolt agains…

Faceless Employee: Under the Bus

Work-Life Imbalance

Work is getting in my way! How dare this organization assign me work while I'm in the office!

But don't worry; it's only today! Here's what y'all can look forward to in the coming days:

- new Faceless Employee comic
- angry review of The 19th Wife
- exasperated review of The Importance of Being Ernest (the 1895 play)
- another new Faceless Employee comic!

Book Review: The Invisible Man (1897)

Type: Older than dirt science fiction.

The Skinny: English towns are terrorized by the Invisible Man.

The Science: Light refraction. A body that does not absorb or reflect light will be invisible.

The Main Character: The Invisible Man.

The Plot: A curious man arrives in a small English village. Soon after, a rash of thefts occur, turning the villagers against the stranger. He flees and forces a hobo to be his ally, and they go through towns stealing money. The hobo steals the Invisible Man's precious science journals. While hunting for the hobo, the Invisible Man (real name: Griffin) stumbles upon an old school chum, who promptly contacts the police. After a long, involved manhunt, the Invisible Man eventually gets taken down.

The Twist: The Invisible Man is a jerk. He's rude, violent, and by the end, murderous.

The Interpretation: Running the experiment on himself made him go insane.

The Counterargument: He was a jerk even before he did the experiment. He stole money from his dad, d…

The BOOBS diagrams

The Negative
The Positive

Cogs in a F*cked Up Machine

The Job Ad

Note: The first two panels actually happened.




Movie Review: Moneyball (2011)

Moneyball rocks. It's well filmed, well written, well acted, and the theme song is heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. The cinematography was reminiscent of Ben Affleck's loving filming of Boston, especially the medium shots with Oakland scenes in the distance. The acting is top-notch: in the same way that Tom Cruise became Jerry Maguire in Jerry Maguire, Brad Pitt is completely believable as Billy Beane, a real-life baseball GM determined to "change the game," and finds a recent Yale econ grad to help him do it. Pitt gets a lot of choice laugh-out-loud lines, but Beane's earnest dedication to improving baseball shines through in every scene. Do I hear Oscar? And by the way, there's a picture of Billy Beane on Wikipedia, and how stoked must he be that Brad Pitt plays him? It's kind of like having Lucy Liu play me, except not. Also, kudos to Jonah Hill for holding his own against Brad Pitt's overwhelming hotness and charisma.

There's a lo…

The Job Block