Friday, June 24, 2011

Nikki 1:1, or #blasphemy

In the beginning there was the Egg, and the Egg was with Boss, and the Egg was NOT Boss. She was with Boss in the beginning. Through Boss all funds were raised; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was vision, and that vision was the light of the company. The vision shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There was a woman found by Boss whose name was [censored]. She came as a top administrator to implement that vision, so that through her all might believe. She herself was not the vision; she came only as an advocate for the vision.

Then the Egg became a chicklet and received an office also. Where before she possessed no ears and no voice, now she was a glorious cross-eyed phoenix stretching its stubby wings to the ceiling.

Now this was chicklet’s testimony to her fellow chicklets after the company executives (mostly from New York) came to tell them that Boss plus Rapture equals new management. Chicklet did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, “OMGWTFBBQ.”

They asked her, “What's going to happen now?”

She said, “IDFK.”

“Are we fired?”

She answered, “No.”

Finally they said, “Should we get drinks? I think everybody needs a drink. What do you say about yourself?”

Chicklet replied in the words of Jerome Morrow from Gattaca, “We have to get drunk immediately."

Now the mid-level managers who had been around for a while questioned her, “Why do you think you can get away with drinking during office hours?”

“I'm drunk right now,” chicklet replied, “and I bet you all are too. I slipped roofies in the orange juice.”

This all happened at [censored] on the other side of [censored], where other things were happening.

Excerpts from the Book of Nikki 1:1-28

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