Fortunately, Riddick's gravelly voiceover recounts past events at the start of the movie. Apparently, Karl Urban's evil eyeshadow betrayed him and Riddick is left for dead on an alien world. Riddick lives up to his fearsome reputation by surviving and defeating the various predators intent on his demise. He even adopts a puppy! And then he must pass through the Swamp of Horrors, which he does in the manliest way possible: puppy clutched to chest, handmade bladed weapon held high as he slices effortlessly through a large scorpion-ish monster. I was briefly afraid my husband had gotten pregnant from watching that scene, it was that manly.
Anyway, after he realizes that even more critters are en route, Riddick activates an emergency signal that attracts two mercenary groups: one run by the bad guy from Bad Boys 2, and another with the Token Female Character. Good thing it's Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff)! Oh, and their leader is the dad of that jerk from Pitch Black, and he wants answers because feelings!
From that point on, it's a matter of Riddick being the bogeyman, much like in the first movie. His first night attack quickly dispatches three extras, and both groups of mercenaries grudgingly work together for his capture. Also: there is a shower scene and bewbs! While Riddick does plenty to earn the viewers' awe and admiration, there's one particular scene that made me and Fragrant Husband do the Slow Clap with our mouths hanging open. Seriously, whoever choreographed this movie is a sick, twisted individual, in the best way possible.
I shall now spare your further spoilers, mostly because I got sleepy and went to bed without watching the ending. But I'm sure Riddick and Starbuck declared their undying love for each other and rode away into the space. Right? Right?
TL;DR: Dark, violent, and a must-see for fans of the man.
This post brought to you by Bliss Spa!