Saturday, June 21, 2014

Oscar: A Eulogy

Oscar was a very handsome cat who lived to be 20 years old, due to his mixed ancestry of Norwegian Forest cat, gray wolf, jaguar, and crankiness. This post is a celebration of his very full life and the joy and terror he brought whenever he came into sight.

Oscar was a large kitty. The picture above shows the contrast between Sheba with room to spare in a bed, and Oscar spilling out of the same bed. In his prime, Oscar weighed 20 pounds. Being the same size as a small dog, he was utterly fearless and once claimed victory over a chocolate Labrador.

Another doglike quality Oscar had was his love of water. Or perhaps his jaguar ancestry sang in his veins. Whatever the reason, it was not unusual to find him actively trying to join a preferred human in the shower, or just hanging out in the tub, possibly plotting the demise of the unwashed and unwary.

Oscar's favorite water fountain was the sink. Legend speaks of his curling up in the guest bathroom sink during a party and remaining asleep as various humans used the faucet. That must've been some catnip his owner slipped him beforehand.

Another tale, this one verified and evidenced by the photo above, is about that time Oscar managed to get himself entangled in a bra. He was just sitting at the edge of the bed one morning, sporting feminine lingerie on his distinctly masculine frame. The how remains a mystery to this day.

What is known, however, is that Oscar was very adventurous. His human claims that he could easily jump from the ground to the top of the fridge when he was young and spry, despite packing on the pounds from the generous amounts of kibble he got fed every day.

Oscar was very clear about what he liked and did not like. He liked his human and rewarded him with exactly 10 minutes of lap time on a daily basis, longer if he happened to pass out. He also liked cheese and Doritos.

Oscar did not like: other humans, other animals, the vet, and receiving more than 1.5 minutes of petting. He expressed his displeasure through vomiting or biting. For example, he barfed on a guest's suitcase because reasons. He also bit through the leather glove of a vet tech, then peed on her for good measure.

But, like all cats, Oscar was absolutely adorable when he was unconscious. Bathed in the warm glow of sunshine, curled up like a furry crescent moon, he was positively angelic.

Oscar was a fighter, a jumper, a biter, a vomiter, a water-lover, a cheese-eater, a ball-chaser, and a constant friend to his human for nearly as long as it took for the Wheel of Time series to be completed. For the uninitiated, that is a very long time. We honor him for his strength, his tenacity, and his uniquely grouchy lovingness.

We love you, too, little buddy.

Oscar Mitton
Our little buddy