I got myself a Mr. Fragrant Elephant last Saturday!
Preparations went smoothly. The rehearsal dinner saw my friends mingling, my family hiding in a corner, and one drunken speech. Everyone was on time for the ceremony rehearsal the next morning. My mom-in-law and sisters-in-law shuttled me to a salon for a relaxing massage before my mani-pedi. Afterwards, my maid of honor and two bridesmaids got me made up, got my hair did, and stuffed me in my dress in time for the pre-ceremony photographs on the beach, where only one tree attacked me.
The wedding itself was a nerd bonanza. The flower girl, having been rigorously trained for a month leading to the wedding, made it all the way to the front, lured by her mom's dragon hand puppet. I walked down the aisle to The Legend of Zelda theme, arranged for orchestra, of course. One cousin commented that she felt her hands involuntarily grasp for a controller when she heard the music.
Our officiant, Dave, started out with, "Mawwiage. Maw…
Greetings, fellow person of inadvertent leisure! While you're reeling from the trauma of being separated from your source of income, stability, and self-esteem, allow me to help steady you by providing a candid description of the benefits awaiting you! Indeed, rays of light ever shine betwitxt even the darkest clouds.
In plain English, that means you will now get paid to look for a new job, if you qualify for Unemployment Insurance (UI).
Employers typically contribute toward unemployment, and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts administers the funds. That means Uncle Sam (Adams) will step in if you and your job get separated "through no fault of your own," which is bureaucrat-speak for "Yo ass got laid off but don't worry boo, I got you. I got you."
Now your job is to hunt for jobs. In that spirit, I present your new job description:
*** Position: Job Hunter Reports to: Uncle Sam (Adams) Status: Full Time Location: Variable Start date: Immediate
Ni no Kuni stands on the shoulders of giants. The game, developed by Level-5 and Japan's contribution to humanity, Studio Ghibli, shares many similarities with classic games. It has the creature-collecting feature of Pokémon. It has the puzzle-solving component of Legend of Zelda. It has the item creation mandate of Vagrant Story. It has the level grinding requirement of every traditional JRPG, from Final Fantasy to Ys to the Tales series.
Ni no Kuni shines just as brightly as those games because of its stunning graphics, touching storyline, gorgeous soundtrack, fantastic voice work, and addictive gameplay. It has high replay value -- I finished this game twice, which I usually don't do.
Best of all, it has a compelling hero. Oliver is a young boy who undergoes a profound loss before the game begins. He starts out on his adventure weak and uncertain, encouraged only by a quirky sidekick. He comes into his own when he decides to help others, even when it means delaying his own q…
Exposure to Fiancé's cold and my little brother's incipient flu eventually beat the crap out of my immune system this past weekend. Despite that, I still attended my friends' Cinco de Mayo barbecue the following day. Because I'm a superhero.
I rested for a few days after that. But then a circuit shorted in my brain and sent errant signals that made me feel fat. So I went to the gym yesterday. Did I almost pass out? Yes. But I powered through. And it was while I was doing bicep curls using resistance bands that I had an epiphany: Working out is like life -- you encounter resistance, and you fight against it and become stronger.
(cue triumphant music)
As though to underline that revelation, Fiancé tricked me later that day. He texted and said he and his coworkers were heading to a certain pub; did I want to meet them there and then we two would go have dinner somewhere nearby? Always a sucker for food (c.f. first paragraph of this post), I said yes and power-walked to t…
"Ever since the dude with the hammer fell out of the sky, subtlety kind of had its day," declares Guy Pearce's character in Iron Man 3. Indeed, this film actually verbalizes its themes, saving me the trouble, but it does so earnestly and with such flair that I must bow to its commitment to the "there is no subtlety" message.
The bottom line of the poster to the left says: "One year after the fight in The Avengers -- everything has changed." In fact, the movie starts before Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) had his life-changing experience in Afghanistan. Groundwork is laid. Forward to the present: Tony is now unable to sleep and tinkers endlessly in his workshop. While he deals with what is clearly PTSD, a man calling himself The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) escalates a campaign of terror. Brashly, Tony challenges the Mandarin, which leads to [REDACTED].
No spoilers here. It's a testament to the strength of the writing that there was a point when I thou…
Sheba usually gets the prize for stinkiest kitty, but Oscar gave her some serious competition this morning. We woke up to...kitty diarrhea. Everywhere. On our sheets, on the floor, the couch...UGH.
And Oscar sat right there, butt dripping the vile stuff. We had to chase him down and throw him into the tub so we could wash him. We left him in the bathroom to dry off. In revenge, he diarrhea'd some more on the floor and the bathroom mats. Awesome.
So basically: senior kitty = human baby.
Well, this certainly makes fiancé's birthday memorable. That and being sick as a dog. A souvenir from his bachelor party in Sin City! Thank Buddha for my Filipina Immunity To Everything (FITE).
Now I'm off to the gym, where the only stench comes from human sweat and yoga mats. Mmmm...