Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Binge Drinking, Oscars Party Edition

I threw a small party to celebrate the Oscars on Sunday. The only person who didn't show up was the one who sincerely thought we were gathering for Oscar, the grouchy cat. Oh, well.

'Twas a fun evening, but it ended badly for me. Now that my brain is working again, here's a list of warning signs to stop. Mixing. Drinks. Just stahp. Stahp.

How to Tell When You've Had Too Much to Drink at Your Oscars Party
  1. You keep using the word "amazing" to describe everything.
  2. You're so loud that the loudest person in the room keeps looking at you.
  3. You take a sip of sweet wine, briefly pause to consider that you hate sweet wine, then down the entire glass.
  4. You only vaguely remember what happened in between Octavia Spencer announcing Best Supporting Actor and Meryl Streep walking onstage.
  5. You upchuck the contents of your stomach when everyone leaves, like you're still in college. Gahd.
  6. You wake up the next morning and want to die immediately.
Anyway, my shambling corpse managed to roll out of bed at 11 am. I felt much better after being fed milk, crackers, and aspirin by the doting betrothed before he left for work. It's like I never learn my lesson. The next thing you know, I'll be chugging white wine, when the worst hangover of my entire life happened as a direct result of exactly that activity. "White wine has fewer congeners," hah!

Naturally, Fragrant Mother cackled with glee when I confessed my sins and swore never to touch alcohol again. "Lasenggera (alcoholic)!" she declared. Well, it would be impolite to prove a mother wrong, non?

In other news, there's a rumor going around my office that I lost weight. It must be from being a moron, somehow.

...I'll take it. In the meantime, I hope everyone enjoys/enjoyed their Hump Day!