Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!

Once you grow up, candy becomes secondary to dressing up at the end of October. You cackle at the prospect of painting your face green and brandishing a broomstick all night; blush at the thought of donning your secret emergency micro-skirt; smile at the possibility that someone might think your painted-on abs truly exist; et cetera.

I outgrew sugars at 15, when I discovered rollerblades. That also marked my last Halloween out in the streets of Baranggay Ayala Alabang, because have you ever tried to skate at top speed without plowing down a snack child and its yaya (nanny)? Not possible without sustaining injury. Obviously, better the kids than me, but back then I still had a conscience and hurled myself to a stop using my knees. Skin, who needs it? Scars tell a story. They also advertise for safety equipment.

I had a full-body cow costume two years ago, but last year I stopped trying and just put a paper bag over my head. For truth. This year, I was determined to look like a female, so I went to a party in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit. Like, the Britney version, but with a bigger crucifix. That led to the lamest come-on of the evening, when some disco dude sidled up to me, peered into my décolletage, and asked if my crucifix was heavy. Fiancé answered for me: "Yes, you can kill someone with it." (meaningful stare)

Now, my office has delightful traditions such as Puppy Fridays, Halloween "ghosting" (it's like secret Santa, but with chocolates and candy), and bowling tournaments (ugh). We had a Halloween costume contest today, and since I risked unemployment by wearing my other costume, I came up with a new one:

I had a devil of a time cutting out those letters, let me tell ya.

The prize went to an enormous Viking, but I got a lot of laughs and thumbs ups. Now it's back to the grind, but at least I've had pumpkin pie, Tostitos and salsa, and delicious pita chips. I took those back to the desk with me. Shameless Employee works all year round, folks.

Happy Hallow's Eve!

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