Professional Audience for Hire

Are you being honored by your friends, family, or co-workers? Will you spend any amount of time in the hot seat? Would you prefer for the event to be less excruciating? Then read below!

Available Immediately: Professional Audience

Members Include:
  • Two Asians who aren't good at math
  • One sassy black woman
  • White male available upon request

What We Do for You:
  • Synchronized Finger Snapping (pictured above)
  • Earnest Nodding
  • Supportive Hollering
  • Seal Clapping
  • Lascivious Hooting
  • Suggestive Eyebrow Wiggling
  • ...and more!

We're the top pro audience in the biz, but don't take our word for it! Try us out yourself! Find out why the New York Times calls us "the ladies who fabricated this quote about how they're the absolute best in an industry full of unicorns!" You read that right! UNICORNS!!!

ACT NOW! Drive quality results and enhance your personal mindshare! Send an email to fragrantelephant@me.com and watch the magic!*


*The magic of email! Seriously, isn't it terrific? Your messages are uploaded to an SMTP server as outgoing mail, the server asks the DNS where the recipient's server is, then the recipient downloads new messages to his/her email client, and voila! communication! It's so magical!