Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Electionerd: Romney's Running Mate


Our time has come. We are now the dominant pet species in the United States. Soon, the world will be ours.

But first, a word from our sponsor:

In this ELECTIONERD post, we will tell you who Mitt Romney's running mate should be: Nikki Haley, governor of South Carolina. She is a bastion of conservatism, fighting tirelessly against illegal immigration, abortion, cigarette taxation, regulation, and allegations of extramarital affairs. Most importantly, her Tea Party scent complements Romney's new-yacht smell.

Yes, the depth of our olfactory information surpasses belief. We have a network across the nation, sniffing humans at the most inopportune moments. An early report indicated that Chris Christie smells like cheeseburger, which catapulted him to the top of the contender list, until our agents came to the conclusion that in fact, he smells like meatballs.

We approve of self-education. Here is a slideshow of other viable running mate options. You may review them. But first, it's mealtime, and where is our tuna?

-The Cats