How to Twist Words

I like to play Word-Twist with Boyfriend. No, not the Boggle rip-off. I refer to the game where your opponent thinks you're having a perfectly normal conversation, and then you sneak in a response that is near-hysterical, bitterly acrimonious, or just plain loopy. As an example:


Him: I like it when you talk.
Me: Oh, you think I talk too much?

See what I did there? I seized the verb, twisted the context of the sentence, and spat out something eye-bulgingly wrong. Here's another gem:


Him: Let me help you with that.
Me: Why? You think I can't do it?

Unwarranted defensiveness adds spice to every tête-à-tête! Mais oui!

But as much as I am genetically and environmentally advantaged when it comes to being crazy, there are others who are so good at Word-Twist that they can plant a lie seed, water it with further untruths, fertilize it with embellishments, and prune it into shape with the sharpened bones of fallen enemies when it becomes a full-grown lie bush.

...Wait, WTF? Dammit, I really thought I had something good going when I started that metaphor. Oh, well.

Anyway, I refer to he who in my previous comic is depicted as a smog monster. He responded to this article, which detailed the reasons for his dismissal from a major organization (hint: if they tell you not to work on a personal project during office hours, don't send 5,900+ emails about the project using your work account during office hours), with a website announcement about how awesome he and his project is and how they were sooooo wrong back at his old office. To give credit where credit is due, the response is only 30% boilerplate fundraising language. But what percentage is poop from a bull? The newspaper attempts to address that question with this article.

Oh, the drama! The words, they fly like glinting ninja stars through the heated air of the night!

(Note to self: STOP WITH THE PURPLE PROSE FOR PITY'S SAKE.)

Dear readers, I encourage you to think about Word-Twist as you go about your pure, innocent lives. Ponder the motivation behind a half-truth or a bald-faced lie. Consider the consequences of corrupting the intention behind a phrase. Imagine the radioactive power of sweet promises turned into decayed hope. And then practice on a loved one! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Just kidding. Be nice, kids.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.