Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The T: Morning Madness

It takes 12 minutes for me to get to work on the train. Sweet, right? Yes, it is.

What's not sweet is the rush hour crowd of commuters. Usually, I handle it pretty well -- I just plug my earphones in, start up Final Fantasy III on my iPhone, and I am off to a magical place where fearsome beasts will get the pwning they richly deserve, at least after I level up and buy expensive equipment.

This morning was special, though. Not special as in "needs consideration due to developmental disabilities," but special as in "you deserve my foot in your ass." I first became aware of unpleasantness when a young lady nearby started loudly declaring into her cell phone, "This kid is embarrassing. He won't do what I say." Please note that I hear this through my headphones that are trumpeting RPG battle music (bumbumbum BUMBUM bumbumbumbumbum BUMBUM buh-buh-BUUUUUM), and the kid in question is a little five-year-old, who appears to be guilty of... wait for it... walking around. The little reprobate! The woman, who was clearly not his mother, seemed utterly furious with him, and was declaring said fact for the benefit of everyone within a twenty-foot radius.

Okay, fine, maybe the kid was annoying on the way to the train station. Whatever. I focused on my game, got into the insanely crowded train, and kept playing. Then, her overweight friend, who was also towing along a little kid (a sweet little girl in corn rows, awwww widdle Bo Derek), started playing her game -- without earphones. So I had Angry Birds music overwhelming my Final Fantasy. By an adult, who should know better. Okay, no problem.

And then the train lurched, as it sometimes does, and I stumbled back into Ms. Fat Angry Birds, who. Shoved. Me. Shoved me! This was my reaction:


And this is how I really felt inside:

"If I had a cannonball in my bag I would drop it on your
foot and then headbutt you as you double over in pain
and then I will eat your faaaaace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Maybe I shouldn't have watched Resident Evil the night before. Or maybe horrible rude people shouldn't be horrible and rude. That's it, next time I'm going to have my Bose QuietComfort® Acoustic Noise Cancelling headphones instead of my dinky little iPhone earphones.

Who wants to buy me Bose QuietComfort® Acoustic Noise Cancelling headphones?