I'm. So. Happy.

Checklist for first day at new job:

Show up on time. = YES
Come in with fly unzipped. = YES
Wear giant obnoxious grin. = YES
Meet new people. Forget their names. = YES
Obsessively organize new workspace. = YES
Space out as people tell you important stuff. = YES
Have serious email and phone problems. = YES
Get assigned a project due next day. = YES
Receive materials from HR. Forget to take home. = YES
Thank God for new job. = YES1000

On this day, the First Day of New Job, I woke up at my usual time, did my stretches while Sheba meowed piteously for affection, and scooted over to Red Line it to my new home away from home. As expected, I have a cubicle, right outside my new boss' office. I barely had time to take a breath before I was taken around to meet a bunch of people on floors 1, 5, and 6, got shut in an office for a conference call, and had to deal with the phone and the email server deciding they hate me. In the middle of it all, I got a pile of reading material for a proposal ("Due tomorrow at noon," I'm told, at 4 pm), and finally the nice HR person traded my completed personnel forms for informational stuff about the company and my benefits. Which I left on my desk during a space cadet moment, because I was thinking about food. Specifically, KFC.

"Oh, crap" moment: As I was shaking hands, people were like, "Oh, I read your bio!" Turns out my new boss has been talking me up, and my bio had my nerd credentials. Apparently everyone thinks I will be a wunderkind writer for the company. I was c*ck-blocked from coasting by on low expectations! Dagnabbit!

"I heart you, boss" moment: I'm invited to a leadership seminar at the Liberty Hotel! Not because I'm management, but because my boss thinks it'll help me do my job. And I get to go into the field to get exposure! (happy hop)

"Hallelujah" moment: Just look at the beauty below.

"Eat your heart out, Keurig."
Are you counting this? No less than 27 varieties of coffee and tea. For free. I am now retiring my French press during the weekdays, because why spend my time and money on coffee when Mr. Handsome Silvercakes (I have named the machine thus) can satisfy all my caffeine needs?

The office kitchen is a beauty. Several cute little round tables and chairs, two microwaves, two toaster ovens, a toaster, a GIANT fridge, and two vending machines. Woo hoo!!! And their water coolers are connected directly to the pipes, meaning no having to upturn 5-gallon bottles and causing floods.

...I mean, obviously the kitchen is the most important space in any office. Apart from the bathroom. Have I told you that the ladies' rooms on my floors have ENORMOUS full-length mirrors (around 7 feet high and 6 feet wide)?

(intense happy dance)

I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!