Skip to main content

An Invitation to Join BOOBS

Dear friend,

I am writing to formally invite you to join the Best Organization Of Boston Society (BOOBS) Board of Directors. Let me say once again how pleased I am that you so have so generously supported us despite our recent blatant disregard for law, ethics, fairness, and worker's rights. Due to numerous reports of your unpopularity in your own country, we believe that you would make a wonderful addition to the BOOBS Board of Directors.

The remainder of this letter sets forth several logistical and corporate matters:

            Term – In accordance with the Society’s by-laws, you have been elected to a one-year term, and you will be eligible to be voted in again, depending on our mood at the time.

            Conference Calls – The Board holds daily conference calls that generally last for five minutes, which is the time it takes for us to rubber-stamp everything put before us by the CEO of BOOBS.

Corporate Documents – For your reference, the following documents are included in this package:

·       1,000-page self-published autobiography by the CEO of BOOBS 
·       The Society’s Certificate of Incorporation
·       A memorandum from the law firm of Slowest Lawyers on Earth LLP, outlining the scope of liability for members serving on the Society’s Board
·       A list of your fellow Board members and their contact information
·       A binder with printouts of all the speeches ever made by the CEO of BOOBS

Please contact us if you have any questions. Thank you for your many efforts on behalf of BOOBS, and we look forward to working together with you as we move forward.

With all best wishes,
Board of Directors, BOOBS

Popular posts from this blog

Paint Nite!

Last night I joined the "Oops" Paint Nite event hosted by the Club Cafe in Back Bay. About 12+ people came to relax and have two artists guide them through painting this original work:


The point was not to slavishly duplicate "Oops" -- we were instructed to make it our own, to relax, and not to utter the words, "Mine sucks," "Can you do this for me?" or "I thought this was paint-by-numbers!"

Speaking of dashed hopes, I had assumed that wine was included. I had done something like this before, only it was in the morning and we all got mimosas. Not so here! While the artists were setting up, I schlepped over to the bar and was rewarded with a generous pour of Cabernet. Now I was ready.

The setup: Everyone got a 16" x 20" canvas, three paint brushes, and a palette (a paper plate) with red, yellow, blue, and white paint. One artist (Brian) had the microphone and would paint with us, while the other was the assistant (Kory) who wo…

An International Women's Day Miracle!

Truly, International Women's Day is a special day. No, not because multitudes are out there rallying for our rights and giving voice to the powerless. It is because I won a gift card from a company raffle!


Let me explain why this counts as a minor miracle. You see, I never win anything. I answer every damned survey sent my way, participate in all the raffles, buy lottery tickets -- to no avail. This particular raffle occurred monthly, and I had been faithfully entering my name every month for two years, with no results. Finally, last month, I declared: "No more!" and unsubscribed from the mailing list -- but not before entering one final time, because why not.

Hah!

There's also some déjà vu at play here. You see, four years ago, I won a gift card from a company raffle. The one fracking time I won anything! I was elated! Shortly thereafter, also on International Women's Day, I was laid off from my job.

Sooooo...since the day's almost over, I guess I'm not…

Get Out (2017)

Get Out has a charismatic lead, a terrific soundtrack, and damn good cinematography. While it’s described as horror/comedy, it’s more disturbing/cringe-y than scary, and I mean that in a good way. This is an entertaining movie that’s also pretty effective as social commentary.

The film stars Daniel Kaluuya as Chris, a photographer who’s about to spend the weekend at his girlfriend Rose’s (Allison Williams) parent’s house. Naturally, it’s in a secluded spot in the woods. When they get there, the awkwardness that might be expected from a first-time meeting gives way to a series of bizarre behaviors and interactions. While Chris initially takes it all in stride, it eventually becomes clear that there’s something sinister going on behind the scenes.

The acting and dialogue are highlights of the film, as is the camera work. In particular, Kaluuya’s eyebrows and head tilts are so expressive that the audience knows what’s going on in his head even as he politely brushes off eccentricities. A…