How to Have a Fabulous Birthday

Hello, readers! Today is my special day! Here are the secrets to having a Fabulous Birthday:

Step 1: Delight in Your Mother's Gift

I don't mean the gift of Life, which of course is the whole point of the birthday. I mean these bad boys, from bubbleflopUSA.com. Who in her right mind wouldn't wear these delightful statements to the endless inventiveness of mankind in the quest to push all fashion limits and make a buck? What deranged creature wouldn't proudly wear these to display her toned calves and shapely ankles on the streets of Boston?

Step 2: Ignore Disparaging Remarks
Someone will tell you that your 29th birthday is not special. When you shoot someone a glare, as you are morally obligated to in this outrageous circumstance, someone will backpedal and say, "Some birthdays are not as special as others." Ignore this. Remember that all birthdays are special, because you are.

Step 3: Obtain Perfect Weather 

This one depends on the celebrant's location. In this case, I'm in a part of the world where summer is blazing hot with clear blue skies, a.k.a perfect weather. If this were Manila, there would be a typhoon and I would  be canoeing in waist-high water down my street while avoiding falling trees. (I have actually done this, but in a car. We all survived. As an added bonus, my screaming friend swallowed floodwater. That'll teach her to doubt my driving skills!)

Step 4: Be Happy
This is the most important step, and should probably have gone up top, except mom's gift got here too early and as a historian by training I felt compelled to list everything in chronological order. Anyway. Happiness is key to inviting good karma, which leads to...

Step 5: Graciously Receive Gifts

Breeze into your office and show all your teeth to the kind co-workers who cheerfully greet you a happy birthday. Note that this step is only possible when you have dropped at least three hints about the exact date of your birthday. Those colleagues who fail to show up with a present first thing in the morning will compensate by popping out and getting you a pecan pie and a card. I love pecan pie. I love cards. I love brownies. I love sake.

Bonus step: Be Awake for Your Brother's Present
It was very sweet. Uh, I think.