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Showing posts from June, 2011

Nicole's Guide to Dealing with Nicole when Nicole has PMS

Dealing with a PMS-crazed individual is challenging at best, and extremely painful at worst. Avoidance is typically the most recommended strategy for those who must live with those who go through "that time of the month." However, certain circumstances make it impossible to implement that strategy.
In this post we will discuss very specific ways to deal with a specific PMSing individual: me. For the purposes of constructing a misleading sense of objectivity, I will refer to myself as "the subject." Those who tend to be in the subject's presence during PMS will be designated "the targets."
1: The Subject's Default Modes







The subject exists primarily within the range of two default modes, namely (1) unconscious; and (2) amused. These modes represent a spectrum of emotions that includes: (i) hungry; (ii) annoyed; (iii) smug; and (iv) chatty. When in the two modes, the subject is generally harmless and may actually be considered good company.
2. PMS

Howeve…

Book Review: Tar Baby (1981)

"...underneath her efficiency and know-it-all sass were wind chimes. Nine rectangles of crystal, rainbowed in the light. Fragile pieces of glass tinkling as long as the breeze was gentle. But in more vigorous weather the thread that held it together would snap. So it would be his duty to keep the climate mild for her, to hold back with his hands if need be the thunder, drought, and all manner of winterkill, and he would blow with his own lips a gentle enough breeze for her to tinkle in."

SWOON.
Tar Baby is so rich in imagery and symbolism and anthropomorphism and thematic characterization and epic run-on sentences as to be the literary equivalent of a Swedish butter pastry, the kind that makes your arteries go "clang!" as soon as you lay eyes on it, but is so good for your soul that you gobble it up anyway and beg for more.
The novel revolves around the Street household, self-exiled to the Caribbean: Valerian Street, the aging and still imperious candy magnate; his…

Nikki 1:1, or #blasphemy

In the beginning there was the Egg, and the Egg was with Boss, and the Egg was NOT Boss. She was with Boss in the beginning. Through Boss all funds were raised; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was vision, and that vision was the light of the company. The vision shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There was a woman found by Boss whose name was [censored]. She came as a top administrator to implement that vision, so that through her all might believe. She herself was not the vision; she came only as an advocate for the vision.

Then the Egg became a chicklet and received an office also. Where before she possessed no ears and no voice, now she was a glorious cross-eyed phoenix stretching its stubby wings to the ceiling.
Now this was chicklet’s testimony to her fellow chicklets after the company executives (mostly from New York) came to tell them that Boss plus Rapture equals new management. Chicklet did not fail to confess, but confessed …